I can tell you, this decision was terrible or it was good, it was right or it was wrong. I can stand an preach til I am blue in the face, but the fact is...
God is Still God, Jesus still sits on the throne, the Holy Spirit will dwell in the believers of Jesus, and sin is still sin.
You can dispute everything else but those are the facts and the truth and it's hard to dispute the truth.
God loves you! He desires a real relationship with you. Growing up my mom was reminded that she is a heathen and still does, over 60 years have passed and that's what she remembers. We tend to remember the bad and those have dwelled in our memory for years, the good doesn't always seem to stay as long. But the bad, gets into those dendrites over night and stay put until you sweep them out and tell the devil, um no, this is not your living space any longer. You have to go, Jesus said I am worthy, I am HIS and HE is MINE.
Here is the definition of a Heathen: heathen